November 28, 2011

Alex Brunkhorst

Ten Ways Kim Kardashian’s Single Life Was Better than Yours Is

  1. Kim vacations in fabulous places like the French Polynesians (see above image) in $5,000 per night suites at the Hilton Bora Bora. A vacation to you is a trip to Van Nuys to retrieve a UPS package that got misrouted.

  2. Kim finds boyfriends in sports drafts. You’re still looking for yours on

  3. Kim has a $4.8 million Bungalux in Beverly Hills. You passed by it once when you were on a Star Tour with your cousin who was in from Ohio. It looked pretty amazing.

  4. Kim has a reality show. Your definition of reality is that if you don’t get a job soon you’ll get evicted.

  5. Kim’s hair looks that way on the beach? Really? Yours doesn’t look that good after a Brazilian blow-out.

  6. Take a look at Kim in leopard. Let’s be honest. You don’t wear leopard like she wears leopard. Leopards don’t wear leopard like she wears leopard.

  7. Kim gets paid to go to places like Tao. You got rejected at the Tao door just last week.

  8. Kim made a sex tape. You wish someone wanted to make a sex tape with you.

  9. Kim’s mom, Kris, is pressuring her to get married and have more grandchildren. Your mom gave up on that a long time ago.

  10. Despite all this, we admit we still love her. So all our best wishes, Kim, for many years of happy nesting.



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